adding sass to life

crying in the swamp

Today I went to the dentist.  Sounds like no big deal right?  For me, IT IS!  I absolutely HATE the dentist.  You would think that I would have some crazy story about how one time I went to get a routine teeth cleaning and the doctor tried to kill me with his drill and a piece of floss.  But no.  Nothing even close to that.  Actually, come to think of it, there was this one time that I went to get a cavity filled and the dentist cut my tongue open in 3 spots with the drill and had to stitch me up.  Oh wait, that happened to my dad and he thinks the dentist had a few drinks.  So, nope, no crazy Edward Scissor-hand dentist stories for me.  

When I walk into a dentist office I feel like I am being sucked into a swamppy pit with the nastiest murky water that is filled with spiders as big as my hands and rats bigger than my face.  I feel creapy crawly and majorly sick to my stomach.  I know that sounds extreme and you all are probably rolling your eyes right now.  But it is true.  I am the biggest baby when it comes to getting my teeth cleaned.  Yes, these are just cleanings, people!  My mom says that she would rather have another baby than go to the dentist, so maybe I get it from her. 

Okay.  Confession time.  This is very hard for me.  I had my first cavity a year ago and I was devistated.  I called my husband from the car crying.  I felt like my virgin teeth had just been contaminated permanently and they would never be the same.  I felt ruined forever.  I had to go back to get my embarassing, stupid, dumb, rotting non-virgin tooth filled a few weeks later.  I could not sleep the night before.  I walked into the dentist office and felt like I was going to puke.  I sat down in the chair and I started to CRY BEFORE THEY EVEN DID ANYTHING TO ME!!  It was not like my eyes were tearing up, I was full on huge tears rolling down my face, snot dripping from my nose sobs.  I will never forget the looks on the dentist and assistance face.  You would have thought a woman just birthed a baby in front of their faces and looked up at them and said, “What the eff are you looking at?”  They did not know what to do with me-they literally just stared.  After the shock of the fact that a grown woman was bawling in the dentist chair wore off, they started trying to comfort me.  Then, every 2.672 seconds after that they were all, “Ohh honey, are you okay?  Oh sweetie, it’s okay.  Does this hurt, hun?  You’re doing great!”  Yes, thank you.

Now I am famous in this dentist office.  There are 3 dentists and like 7 other office people and EVERYONE KNOWS ME.  I walked through the door this afternoon and every single person I saw said, “Ohh, hi, Jamye!  How are we going to do today?  Are you going to be okay?”  And every 2.672 seconds of my cleaning, “Honey, are you okay?  Does this hurt?  Almost done!” 

Yes, again, thank you.  Now can I have my sticker and balloon and go home?  Thanks.


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  1. * Courtney Brown says:

    hahaha. oh man oh man. you have always hated that dentist!! i hate it when Dr. Wood smells like he has been drinking!!

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 7 months ago

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