adding sass to life



maybe just me? i hope not

August 14, 2008

I have a confession to make.  I have a lot of emotions, feelings and thoughts that run through my mind and my heart on a daily basis as I am sure most of you do.  They range from fear to excitement, jealousy to satisfaction, from determination to laziness and from confidence to insecurity, I really could go on and on.  Yes, I see that a lot of my emotions tend to contradict each other but that is truly how I feel from moment to moment from hour to hour each day.  I feel like I live in a contradiction of emotions.  That is not the problem.  The problem begins when I allow my emotions to dictate how I act or how I treat people.  This is going to sound very vain and make me sound superficial but I am going to say it anyway.  There are those days that my hair looks like crap, or I feeling not so cute in the outfit that I am wearing or just having an blah day and that’s where the trouble starts.  I am shopping or working and I see a girl who I feel like is dressed better than me, has prettier hair than I do or just looks more put together than I feel I do.  I could compliment her on her outfit or tell her she has pretty eyes, but no, I allow my insecurities to take over the moment and ultimately make her feel dumb to make myself feel better.  I am not rude, I am just aloof and act like I don’t care about her or I am kind of unresponsive if she tries to help me with something.  It’s almost the same thing that happened when I was 4 except opposite, “People do mean things to make themselves feel better,” my mom used to always say.  Like when I came home crying from pre-school because my classmate Jamie told me that she wasn’t going to give me a Valentine’s day card.  She meant to make me feel dumb, and it worked.  So, I definitely know how it feels, so why do I do it to others?  Yes, girls are competitive, girls are catty and petty but I do not want to fall into those categories no matter how I feel.  Go ahead and judge me or tell me that I am mean, but it is something that I am aware of and working diligently on fixing.   

The End.

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Comments

  1. I don’t think anyone could judge you for feeling the way you do. It’s called being a female, and although it sucks, we all do it. Just know that even when you think your hair looks like crap and you forgot to put mascara on, girls are looking at you thinking, ‘gosh, she’s super cute and I wonder where she got her shoes.’

    | Reply Posted 8 years, 11 months ago


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