adding sass to life

right before i puked on the floor

August 28, 2008

I love cooking-for parties, for friends, but usually it is just for my husband and me.  But whomever it is for, I love being creative.  I don’t like getting stuck in a rut with the same old food every week, however my husband and I do have our favorites. 

I found an easy tasty sounding Chinese/Latin/Peruvian fried rice dish in the Rachel Ray magazine that I thought I would make for dinner. 

-eggs-got ’em

-toasted sesame oil-yep

-shrimp-gotta go buy it

-onion-plenty of those!

-rice-got that too!

-soy sauce-in the frig!

-sherry-alcohol cabinet

-chorizo-yumm…isn’t that the Mexican sausage that my dear friend, Brittany, who lived in Mexico for a year was ranting and raving about?  Gotta get some of that!

I drove off to the grocery store to gather up the ingredients that I was missing from my humble abode.  I was walking aimlessly through the meat counters and a nice dude came up to me and asked me if I needed help.  “Why, yes!  Do you have any chorizo?”  He pointed to two different packages.  “Ohhh!  I have 2 choices, pork or beef!” 

Before I continue this facinating story I need to add a few very important details. 

1.  I will eat almost anything, once.

2.  I do not normally read the ingredients on packages.

Okay, let’s continue. 

I picked up the package of beef chorizo and was about to place it in my basket when I saw the words lymph nodes on the front.  What the eff????  I obviously had to read on. 

Ingredients: crushed cow lymph nodes, cow salivary glands, cow lips, cheeks, tongues, blood, and …… that’s as far as I got.

I literally gagged.  

I stood there for 5 minutes having a conversation with myself. 

“I can’t eat this!”

“Yes, you can, don’t be a wuss, it’s probably good!”

“Salivary glands?  Lymph nodes? *gag*  Won’t it be chunky and crunchy?”

“Don’t be a wuss, Brittany ate it and she didn’t grow a third arm.  Rachel Ray obviously ate it, she’s alive and kickin’.”

As I stood there staring at the package, the nice dude came over and said, “Can I help you with anything else?”

I looked at him and said, “Do you have ANY idea what is in this stuff?”  And I listed them for him, with dramatic facial expressions and all.

“That’s some crazy nasty sh*t,” he said and walked away. 

Well, I chickened out and didn’t buy that crap.  I bought spicy turkey sausage instead, please don’t tell me what’s in it.  Probably beaks and those gobbler things.  Ick.

By the way, the dish wasn’t that good so don’t try it. 


Trackbacks & Pingbacks


  1. * Spiderman says:

    By the way I loved the dish. I had some for lunch even today! Isn’t my wife so creative!?!??! You are awesome! I laughed out loud on this one sweetie! So awesome!!!!

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 6 months ago
  2. * Mom says:

    My eyes are tearing I’m laughing so hard I can see you gagging in the store. I will bring you some great chorizo it’s not in a link it’s ground. You will love it and I know it doesn’t have all that filler crap in it. Hugs

    | Reply Posted 10 years, 6 months ago

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