adding sass to life



pap smear on a turbulent plane

April 8, 2009

I went to my absolute favorite place in the whole wide world today; the happiest place on earth….DISNEYLAND the dentist.  Sarcasm is not easily expressed through the internet, so incase you did not sense it, it’s there.  Trust me.  

I have never liked the dentist.  I can remember being 4 or 5 and considering jumping out of the door of our moving van as we made our way to hell the dentist’s office.  The smell, the big, white, blinding brightness of the smiles in the room, the lights, the teeth picks, the noise, oh the terrible noise attacking my open mouth.  Make it stop, please make it stop.  I am not sure where this fear or hatred or completely irrational feeling came from but I do know that my mother hates the dentist.  Maybe it’s genetic.  Yes, that’s it.  It is woven into my DNA and I cannot control it.  Sorry Dr. Chang, I cannot control how much I despise you.  Please get your sharp tools away from my mouth.  Thanks.      

Let me tell you a little secret.  I want to the gynecologist a week and a half ago.  You know when you go to the spa and you go all out?  You ask for the works.  A massage, a facial.  Yes, I’ll have a mani/pedi too.  Waxing?  Why not!  Sea weed wrap?  Of course!  Well, I got the works when I went to the lady doctor.  The spreading, the scraping, the feeling, the pulling, the pushing, the pressing, the pelvic exam, the internal ultrasound, the blood work.  Great deal!  And you know what?  I would rather do that 10 times over than a simple teeth cleaning.  I would actually rather have all of that happen while on a turbulent plane ride.  Just give me a glass of wine and a Xanax and I’ll be good to go.

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Comments

  1. * Blackened Dove says:

    LMAO! You’re funny!! I find that I now have to read all your blog to see if you really are me. ^_^ They say that everyone has a twin out there somewhere.

    | Reply Posted 7 years, 9 months ago


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